Medical distinction between Guts and Balls

Medical distinction between Guts and Balls
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard
about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference
between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both result in serious injuries.

Do you fart in bed?

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
 
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts..
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic foot steps as he ran into the bath room.
 
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
 
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, 'honey you were right.' 'All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you'. 'What do you mean?' asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!

Men are not romantic

Joyce: Jimmy babe, now that we are engaged, I think we should start calling each other using pet names, sweet names. James: (uninterested) alright babe. So what do you wanna call me? Joyce: I think I will call you tiger James: Why tiger babe? Joyce: (sexy tone) because you're charming, handsome, smart and calculating.          And you Jimmy babe, what do you wanna call me?   James (still uninterested): I think I will call you zebra Joyce: (smiling and kissing his cheek) ooh that's sweet, why would you call me that? James: because of your stretch-marks!!!!!!!!

Phonka Games part 2

Phokah Games 2011

Mobile Number Portability in Ghana

Before a customer can switch from one network to the other, the person must first go to the new network agent and request for his number to be ported.

 

Therefore, if a customer of network X wants to move to network Y, he must first ask network Y to port his number and network Y would then inform network X about the customer's decision to close his account with X.

 

Below are processes a customer would go through when trying to port his number

 

1. A customer must visit a shop for the network he wants to join, bringing with him the identification which is always required to register a new account (National ID, Passport, Drivers Licence, Voter ID, or National Health Insurance ID) and the phone/SIM he uses on his current network.

 

2. Staff at the shop will discuss with the customer the features and offers available, as well as prices, fees, charges, phones, SIMs, or any other factor related to joining their network. They will also ask and/or assist the customer to complete a porting request form.

 

3. Customers would be informed that the only features available to them are those on the new network, and that the features they enjoyed or selected on their current network will no longer be available to them. They should also be told that any credit left on their old account will be gone after they port.

 

4. The staff will enter the porting request into the system, and will ask/assist the customer to send a free text message to validate the porting request. The customer will receive a text message confirming that the request is being processed.

 

5. The customer will be provided with his new SIM or phone. He will receive another text message telling him when the porting process is complete, and that he should change to his new SIM or begin using his new phone. At this time, anyone who calls him or sends a text message to him at his phone number will reach him at his new network.

 

6. The entire process should be completed in much less than 24 hours.

 

7. From the time the porting request is submitted, until the process is completed, the customer's old network is not permitted to contact him, especially to discuss the porting process.

 

8. Porting will only be refused if the customer has not been with his current network for at least 30 days, or has ported within the previous 30 days, or his phone account has already been cut off for non-payment, or reported stolen.

 

9. Customers should remember to copy or transfer any contacts or phonebook entries they saved in their old SIM or phone. The staff in the new network's shop should be able to assist in this, if needed.

 

10. If the customer experiences any problems in receiving or making calls or receiving or sending text messages, he should take the matter up promptly with his new network.

 

11. After porting is completed, the customer should use recharge/top-up cards for his new network. He is no longer a customer of his former network.

 

12. Porting does not release a customer from any contractual obligations or debt he owes at his former network. Bill should be paid, and deposits refunded. A customer who received bills for usage will receive a final bill after the porting is completed.

 

13. The customer's former network must give him the means to recover any mobile banking or payment money which had been on account there, even after porting.

 

14. After at least 30 days at his new network, a customer is free to move back to his old network or onward to another network.

Q: WILL YOU PORT YOUR NUMBER ?

      WHAT WILL MAKE YOU DO SO?